A Kansas City woman who ran food distribution to the hungry for her church, was asked to resign this week after the church discovered she was married to another woman. She was "outed" after the Kansas City Star did a profile on her and the church's food pantry. "Oy vey," sighed Jesus Christ, watching all of this.
Bigots everywhere have been blowing up all over the internet this week after watching two hunky athletes smooch. The infamous ESPN ad came out recently, showing Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend upon discovering he got drafted to the NFL, to the St. Louis Rams. "Man u got little kids lookin at that draft," tweeted former Super Bowl champ Derrick Ward, in response to the ESPN ad. "I can't believe ESPN even allowed that to happen." "Oh, honey, not everyone is as much of an asshole as you," cooed Ward's mother, whilst stroking his oily hair.
Apparently, doctors aren't talking to teens, the most uneducated sexually active portion of the population, about sex. According to research published this week in JAMA Pediatrics, thirty-six seconds is the average amount of time physicians spend talking to teen patients about sex. This explains why teen boys get confused when their girlfriends get pregnant after they've been using banana peels as condoms.
This week in not sex, a New Jersey church group hosted a Mormon prom for teenagers around the state, for a "celebration of modesty." The event was free, as long as the attendees signed a pact that they would "dress modestly, dance appropriately, and abstain from alcohol or drugs." "Fuck that," said the rest of America's teens.
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